He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
