when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize