if i died would you start the facebook group?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
