I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
