My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
