new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
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Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
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When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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