Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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