i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
