If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
