Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
