yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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