i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
