i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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