Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
