Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
