So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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