I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
