Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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