Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
