So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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