i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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