I am puke
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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