I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
