So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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