why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
