At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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