I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
