That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
