The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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