the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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