So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
