The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
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I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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