After last night, I could never be a politician.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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