You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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