Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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