She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
