fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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