Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
