ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
