They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
