did you get engaged???
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
