new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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