Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
