i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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