The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
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Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
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I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize