Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
