Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
