I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
