We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
