his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I need to stop coming to work sober
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
