its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
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