I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
