Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
