if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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