Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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