Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
