I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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