so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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