I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You know, be my cock's hype man.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
