Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
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He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
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If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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