is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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