We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the day after is always just damage control
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
