She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
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have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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