And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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