She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
