Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Thank you for not boning my boss.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize