i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
