i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
