stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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