Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
