just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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