I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
